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Jonah Atkins

by Jonah Atkins

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1.
On The Mend 04:33
I'm on the mend I still feel broken, but i can pretend For the sake of my friends You're offering something It's not what I wanted, but it's pretty close Better than being alone You look like someone who could rip off the band-aid You look so happy You look like someone that I could fall into So easily Look into my eyes Until you realize there's nothing to find And any semblance of guilt is just a comforting lie I dont know what you're saying I don't know what you're saying But I can hear your voice Above all the noise You look like someone who could rip off the band-aid You look so happy You look like someone that I could fall into So easily You look so happy So easily You forgot about us, you forgot about
2.
Where have you been? Come join us in the sinking ship We'll stand together and pretend The clouds in the distance are mountains I give in to its pull, and sink into its hull The void between fantasies I assess, and rationalize my fate Drowning isn't such a bad way to reach the pearly gates I can't stand anymore, the fading of the shore From which I was cast out to sea Resist no matter what for, more and more Two steps back then one forward Until water completely surrounds me Eighteen years of this shit, scraping by and faking it Until somebody noticed And now, the water's at my neck My sinking ship's not submerged yet But I need to make a change And fast I can't stand anymore, the fading of the shore From which I was cast out to sea Resist no matter what for, more and more Two steps back then one forward Until water completely surrounds me
3.
4.
I Resist 04:02
5.
I won't run away no more, I promise Even when I get bored, I promise Even when you lock me out, I promise I say my prayers every night, I promise I know which side I'm spread, I promise The tantrums and the chitty-chat, I promise Even when the ship is wrecked, I promise Tie me to the rotting deck, I promise I won't run away no more, I promise
6.
Not Ready 06:34
Tearing up I'm writing on a soaked piece of paper All my life Without a single moment I didn't try to savour That didn't go by wasted anyway I'm aware, I know I need a stern conversation But I just wanna keep it light For all you care, you'll do anything to avoid confrontation But maybe I'll get it right this time I already owe more than I've ever seen A tiny gear in a great big machine You're looking at me like there's some place I need to be You're telling me to go, but I don't feel Ready Everybody's so ready One more day Explaining away all the debts I have accrued, one more flimsy excuse It's no use Running in place in a race I'll never finish, if I don't pick up the pace Hold me up Cause I'll lean on you as long as you allow me to If you ask, I'll say I'm fine I know you care But I think that maybe I'm just beyond saving And it could do me in next time I already owe more than I've ever seen A tiny gear in a great big machine You're looking at me like there's some place I need to be You're telling me to go, but I don't feel Ready Everybody's so ready Everybody's so ready Everybody's so ready
7.
Look in my face, if you're awake Cause you're gonna be okay Just some bruises and scrapes But you'll have to stay right here, I'm afraid Until we get a better idea of your state It could have been your life A couple of inches to the right I can't explain how I almost died The other day, on the drive home from work Straight shot ahead, going one-hundred-and-five Anyone else could've stayed in between the lines I finally felt strong enough to break the facade But my eyes were closed when the airbags went off And I saw the use Of one final excuse Nothing to lose Felt like the right thing to do But I don't know what to do I don't know what to do And you'd probably hate me if I told you the truth (Zephyr sample) If I lie, you'll know and resent me But this little room just feels so empty I open my eyes, ready for the light And hope that little shock of morning in the distance will eventually overcome the night Took all this time for me to see That my life does not just belong to me And I saw the use Of one final excuse Nothing to lose Felt like the right thing to do But I don't know what to do I don't know what to do And you'd probably hate me if I told you the truth
8.
Smoke billows behind me From the burning heap of all I wrecked But I know you, someday, will find me And maybe we can laugh again Feels good to laugh Feels good to sigh Good to hang my head low and cry And, if nothing else You'll find something else Just give it some time Waves lap at the shore A couple inches from my feet If I ever ask for more Just smack my head and remind me Feels good to run Good to walk and skip and jump Good to hold out my cup, no that's enough And if nothing else You'll find someone else I know this, my love

about

My first proper album. Recorded in my room.

credits

released January 14, 2021

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about

Jonah Atkins Waterford, Ontario

making music in southern ontario.

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